The Groundless Fear

“What if I look fat in this dress?”; “What if I trip and break my sandal?”; “What if I spill a drink on my dress?”; “What if Susan laughs at my hair-do?” These and other similar worry thoughts encircle and grip a teen’s life while dressing for a party.

Everybody is walking up to the front of the class and introducing themselves. It’s the first day of the new class. Lisa is sitting glued to her chair but her

thought flying to every negative thought and misconceptions. “Please God, let the teacher’s eyes rove over my head and miss my presence in the class.” What if I say the wrong thing?” or “What if I make a mistake?” or “What if they laugh at me?” “I can’t do it. It’s so hard and scary. I’ll mess it up. I’ll get it wrong.”

All the “what-ifs” tend to be negative rather than positive. The self-talk makes the anxiety worse, and supports the person’s pattern of avoiding the feared situations. The worry thoughts pave their way towards expectations of not only the bad occurring but the worst possible outcomes.

Why do these negative thoughts occur in the first place? Anxiety of facing the society is termed as SOCIAL PHOBIA. This is particularly common amongst teenagers who take extra care for the way they talk, walk, clad or the way they worry about their skin getting pimply, etc. Adolescents and young adults, who often are unsure of themselves around others and concerned with image and conformity, are easy prey to the demon known as social phobia.

The emotional symptoms the teen is under-going are: disabling fear of one or more situations, fear of being watched or judged by others, fear that others will notice their physical symptoms of anxiety, fear of embarrassing themselves in public, etc. whereas, palpitations, blushing, excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, muscle tension, stuttering, nausea, stomach upset, diarrhea amongst many others are physical symptoms that he is undergoing. If somehow he is confronted by a social situation and comes out of it he’ll fret over how he handled the situation, going over it repeatedly, by building on the groundless truth that he made a complete fool of himself. He knows at the back of his mind that his worries are irrational, yet he sticks to the imaginary image of his peers making fun of him. This makes him seek haven at home, which is the only place where he feels comfortable.

This occurs because the new youngster is overrating the danger o f embarrassment while underrating his ability to get through the situation. These groundless fears lead to a shaky self-esteem of the youngster.

The anxiety of the phobic youngsters is triggered during situations like the following:

· Being introduced to other people

· Being teased or criticized

· Being the center of attention

· Being watched or observed while doing something

· Having to speak in public

· Attending parties or social gatherings

· Becoming embarrassed

· Meeting other people’s eyes

· Eating, talking, or making phone calls in public

· Fears of being shunned by friends

There are basically four kinds of social phobias: general when a person is anxious, nervous and uncomfortable in majority of social situations; specific entailing fear of speaking in front of groups specifically; agoraphobia developing fear of places with many people and thus avoiding these places; selective mutism being mute in selective situations.

Ever wondered what causes these? One reason ay be biological traits that family members have in common. Those whose parents or others close relatives have anxiety problems may be more likely to develop a problem with anxiety, too. Others amy learn a cautious stlye depending past experiences.

Medications or therapy can lead the phobic individuals out of this nightmare. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is also an effective treatment that teaches you how to suppress the anxiety you feel in social situations so you can face such situations, rather than avoiding them.

People who aren’t successful are the ones who give up.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” so instead of going for medicines and therapies, why not initiate the process of confidence-building yourself. Are you conscious of how you appear in public? The “mirror on the wall” never lies. It’s the best judge. Stand in front of a mirror and observe each and every action you do, each and every move you make. You’ll know how you appear when you make a certain gesture, etc. This will gradually give you more confidence. Slowly and steady wins the race.

Conscious of you sound in public? Record and re-record your voice and listen to it again and again until you correct what sounds foolish to you. When anxious in a social encounter, breathe slowly and do positive self-talk that will reduce your anxiety.

Teenagers need not worry because experienced elderly people undergo phobias too. A real-life experience states: the professional speaker was giving a presentation, his voice got thick, his face got red and he started loosening his neck-tie. The 10 minutes presentation proved intensely strenuous for him and finally he was relieved by the bell that said his time was over. He soothed his nerves by gulping water down his throat. Just remember you cannot always be saved by the bell! So take the first step and feel the difference in your life.